Unfortunately there weren’t as many people at the walk as were expected. The rain kept many people away. Who wants to walk in the cold pelting rain? But the volunteers were all there, bright and early. The entire field was set up and organized by Jo McNeal, Pacific Northwest Area Director of the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. I know it might have been a disappointment for some to have so few attendees compared to what was expected. However, that was not the case for us, the contingent from the Jensen Suicide Prevention Peer Protocol (The JSP3©). When Terry, Angel and I met today before the event began, we noticed there were far fewer attendees than we had planned for. We looked at each other and agreed, that means the ones that are here are the exact individuals who are supposed to be here. This is a rare opportunity. Oftentimes I’ll take great pains to provide the very optimum of supplies, etc., and take hours, sometimes days to prepare for an event. And, on occasion, only a few participants show up – the important thing is that the people who do show up are precisely the right ones. As we huddled at our rain soaked booth, giving out free literature including copies of my book, “Just Because You’re Suicidal Doesn’t Mean You’re Crazy”, we spoke to people who seemed typically hesitant to say much in the way of self-disclosure. We have learned through experience to suggest, “You can read the book so you can understand what causes and perpetuates suicidal thought. You can then bring the book and our booklets on how to help form a peer support group for battle buddies to whoever you think might be struggling with suicidality.” In the midst of the initial milling around while everyone was preparing for the opening assembly, I told my colleagues, Terry and Angel, “Watch for the special one the Lord sends us. He or she will come and you’ll know immediately who that special one is.” And he did come. He came first to visit shortly before the walk. He was unusual in that he told us, “I know what this is like, ‘feeling crazy because you don’t understand your own suicidal thoughts’. I was suicidal and now I’m not – I have a new life. I’m very lucky. I’d like a copy of your book to share with my buddies and my family.” I replied, “Of course, and we’ll keep it dry for you to pick up when you return from the walk.” He came back and we talked. His eyes welled with tears as I warned him when his suicidal thoughts come back, he could find out what to do about it in the book. He could form a peer support safety net for himself NOW, so when it gets tough he’ll have it in place. He then knew that I knew the thoughts had not gone, that they were still with him every day. And that I knew what that was like. AND, that I learned how to deal with it through peer support and he could, too. Perhaps he knew I knew that he still struggled. But that’s not important. What’s important is a connection happened and he knew I had an answer to his anguish. (You, too, can find the answer and more about peer support for suicide prevention at https://www.jsp3.org.) In the middle of our conversation, I heard a “ka-ching” ring in my head. He was the one the Lord sent – he was the special one. So many more may have heard bits and pieces and a few may have gotten what they needed but there is always one who brings the “ka-ching”, the Lord’s message that a divine connection has been made. This is what I live for.
Fundamental Understandings about suicide
There are some fundamental aspects of suicidality that I have learned through my research and decades of counseling suicidal people. Find out more in my book, “Just Because You’re Suicidal Doesn’t Mean You’re Crazy“. Suicidality is amazingly common1 The action is usually impulsive and acute however the thought pattern that sets it in motion is chronic2 It has its basis in adverse childhood experiences3 The process is completely unconscious4 Thinking about suicide becomes an excellent and successful coping mechanism5 When faced with overwhelming situations which can’t be resolved by the individual (one feels helpless) This causes stress – elevated cortisol which creates the need for relief Thoughts of “not being here” repeatedly bring on the relief of “feel good” endorphins Repeated “feel good” endorphins build a thought neural pathway which gets more entrenched over time “Not being here” progresses to “Not being anywhere” (suicide) in order to bring relief (the need for increased endorphins to achieve the same relief)5 Suicidal thought operates as a coping mechanism for dealing with overwhelming difficulty, however, sooner or later it becomes a negative and destructive pattern that prevents problem solving6 The progression is totally unconscious Suicidal people do not know where their suicidality came from or why it continues2,4,5 Suicidal people are convinced by society that there is something inexplicably wrong with them2,4,5 Suicidal people have no natural insight into how to defeat their suicidality2,4,5 Suicidal people do not know that their “not wanting to be here” neural pathway is permanent5 Suicidal people do not know that their negative emotions are warning signs that they have a problem needing immediate attention towards solution7 Suicidal people do not know that they can solve any problem with the help of an educated support system5 The Conspiracy of Denial is the one thing that promotes suicidality. What is The Conspiracy of Denial5? – Common attitudes, beliefs, and actions that innocently deny a person’s suicidality. People usually deny the reality of a person’s suicidality because they do not want to believe that this person would consider such a drastic thing. After all, why would people who do not think about suicide think anyone else would? To them, it is truly “unthinkable”. “A non-suicidal person can only see why a person would want to live. A suicidal person has difficulty giving those reasons more value than the promise of escaping the pain of existence.” (Just Because You’re Suicidal Doesn’t Mean You’re Crazy (2012), p. 111) Refuse to partake in the Conspiracy of Denial and tell people the truth when they make comments that perpetuate the Conspiracy of Denial. Listen to more about the Conspiracy of Denial at www.americanheroesnetwork.com (Sept. 3, 2013 broadcast). References
1 National Center for Injury Prevention and Control. (WISQARS): www.cdc.gov/ncipc/wisqars
2 http://forums.psychcentral.com/depression/10363-coping-suicideideation.html
3 Center for Disease Control and Prevention, http://www.cdc.gov/ace/findings.htm
4 http://forums.psychcentral.com/depression/65258-suicidal-ideation.html
5 Jensen, R. 2012. Just Because You’re Suicidal Doesn’t Mean You’re Crazy: The Psychobiology of Suicide.
6 http://www.helpguide.org/mental/suicide_help.html
7http://my.clevelandclinic.org/healthy_living/stress_management/hic_warning_signs_of_emotional_stress_when_to_see_your_doctor.aspx “Just Because You’re Suicidal Doesn’t Mean You’re Crazy: The Psychobiology of Suicide” – Download to your E-reader or as PDF to your computer at http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/209400 more info at www.jsp3.org
Pain level is 7.5
Pain level is 7.5 this a.m. – meds don’t help much some days. It’s a beautiful sunny day down by the beach. I’m sitting here listening to the Beach Boys, remembering my innumerable long walks. My fibromyalgia and arthritis have robbed me of that ability. I’m chair-bound most days, unable to walk unassisted. I may be robbed of my mobility but my memory is darn good. I have the benefit of revisiting those gloriously adventurous, almost endless days of walking all over the world…from one side of Paris to the other, from Sacre Coeur to Napoleon’s Tomb…loving every step on the road less traveled, never passing the same sight twice. And even here, at low tide, I remember walking the firm sand, picking up beach glass, leaving footprints that marked my shoreline progress. Some days I’d walk on the beach from one community to the next. I’d wander all day and forget where I parked my car, then I’d have to call someone to pick me up. Do you wonder why I didn’t just turn around and walk back the same way I came? Well, here’s my rule: Never go back. If you can make a circuit that takes a new route, one you have not taken before…that’s the way to do it. But never go back. The nonwilderness hiking rule is hard and fast…never backtrack. Backtracking is seeing again what you’ve already seen. It’s not a challenge. Life is short and backtracking is mostly a waste of consciousness. When abiding by that simple rule, what is the worst that could happen? Maybe you’d have to stop for coffee and wait for a bus? But never, ever go back. However, right now, as I look at all the joggers, walkers, strollers, and bikers passing by, I wish I had the ability, the option to go back…to backtrack to the days of endless exploration and discovery. A minute ago, when I began reminiscing, I thought those memories were a good thing. But now, I find myself resentful. I’m envious of those people parading in front of me. Seeing their freedom, I’m jealous and I long for active days gone by. I notice their sandy footprints knowing these are impressions I can no longer make. I remember and I feel twinges of tremendous loss and sadness. I find going back in my memories has suddenly become painfully difficult. This kind of backtracking, this recalling what you no longer can do, is not at all uplifting and not the least bit positive. I think, “What I lack is perspective”. Yet just now I glance up from my realizations and there directly in front of my car is a young man in a motorized wheelchair. With a noticeably firm grip on the steering knob, he carefully maneuvers his way across the street. He is obviously vulnerable to every hidden rut and daunting curb. He’s paying intense attention, concentrating on getting himself safely across to the other side. His perspective is in this moment…not yesterday or tomorrow…but right now. What am I paying attention to? Where is my concentration and perspective? Is this young man wasting his precious moments in resentment while traversing the street? Perhaps he’s never been able to walk, much less wander the cobbles of the Champs Elysees. I glimpse him at the bus stop ahead chatting and laughing with the others waiting there. How dare I be resentful after having such an active, full, and carefree life. I have no reason to be sad or grief-stricken. So many have never had the incredible opportunity to experience what I have. If I let my focus on my memories drift from fond and free to become a source of resentment and grief, I have lost the perspective of gratitude and the joy of today’s grace. Beneficial recollection is a matter of perspective and gratitude is the gift that keeps on giving. In my book, “Just Because You’re Suicidal Doesn’t Mean You’re Crazy”, I talk about making everyday choices on what to focus. It’s easy to lose focus on what you have and thus drift towards what you don’t, predisposing depression and in my youth, suicidality. I realized over time that I must make this important decision every day. When it is so easy to return to resentful remembrance perpetuating pain, both physical and emotional, it becomes incumbent on me to purposefully decide to do the opposite instead. When we realize we have lost our perspective, then backtracking to grateful memory is not only positive but an enhancement of consciousness. I can make the choice, like this young man today, to keep my grip firmly on my steering and my perspective gratefully on navigating today in a positive way.